i can write it better than you’ve ever felt it
i’m different now and not the same person i once was. It could weigh into something that is good or bad. i dont know if i’ve grown and changed for the better, or if i’ve even grown at all. its hard to see how yourself changes,rather than someone telling you. it takes a while to discover the new things and what you’ve left behind. its difficult. what if i changed for the worse? and the old me is missed. i make decisions that easily change who i am, and i do regret some, but i have to learn to live life with no regrets and keep going. i found this old blog from november 20,2008. and even though this room is crowded, filled with people i feel as if im the only one who is here. secluded from everything around me, isolating myself and no one seems to care. yes im fine, im okay, well i guess. its just i cant say that life is so bad becuase honestly it isnt. i just let one small problem make my whole life seem bad. why? i wish i knew the answer. all im searching for in all of this contreversey is happiness. i cant remember the last time i was truly happy. of course ive been somewhat content, im sure recently but i cant remember when i was happy for a long period of time. i wish that i could be taken away to somewhere new. i would do everything so much differently. i would think before i acted upon whatever it may be, i would let my heart speak its words by actions and not through my mind. no, my mind would never interfere, not again. i know a person cannot be perfect, its not possible. you learn from the mistakes you make. but sometimes, its too late. becuase life goes on and its not waiting for you, not in all cases. no matter how much you want what you had back, theres nothing you can do about it. you cant change what has already been done, unless you are willing enough. i can break down the walls that interfere, if i want this bad enough. the power of love can do anything. it can save whatevers remaining. whatevers left in the dark.
